Knitter Scarlet

Some of my long awaited "Addi Turbo" knitting needles arrived today and I have cast on for the Stitch Diva Bellocq Stockings.

The pattern requires you to cast on using the Provisional Cast On method, which is something I have never done before, so off I went to find a tutorial on it.

There was a good one on Stitchdiva.com which I used and successfully cast on the required 25 sts.

This is where things started to go wrong as I do not understand the rest of the instructions. Do I knit into the back bumps of the provisional cast-on, or do I knit the actual stitches on the needle???

I have emailed Stitch Diva to ask for further assistance and have even gone as far as to begin a KAL on Ravelry for it as I fear it may take a while and will have plenty of problems along the way.

I purchased the "Addi Turbo" needles from Kangaroo.uk.com and must say so far I am really disappointed with their service. I ordered s couple of circular needles, four pairs of straight needles and two pairs of double pointed needles along with the little bear needle stoppers last weekend. It is now a week later and on Thursday I received an email saying that they did not have the straight needles and they would be sent in 1-2 weeks. Shortly after receiving the email the circulars and double pointed needles arrived. The circulars were fine, but the double pointed needles were "prym" and not "Addi Turbo", so I emailed them and they said they would put the correct ones in the post. Today they arrived and again I was really disappointed as they had only sent one set of double pointed needles instead of the two, so yet again I have emailed them. The one thing they made sure to include the parcel was an envelope for me to return the incorrect needles.

Why do these companies have these items on their websites when they don't have them in stock. It is really annoying me now.

Anyway, I am off to watch Lost before I go to sleep.

Don't forget to put your clocks an hour forward!!!

As promised a few weeks ago, here is a pic of the jumper I am knitting hubby. It is called Denim Stripe and is from the magazine "Knit Today", and is the "January 2008 Issue No 17".

I am knitting it out of Sirdar Denim Sport Aran in shade 502 (the same as in the pic).

My next project is going to be a lacy lingerie set from the magazine "Knit Today" (again) and is from the "February 2008 Issue No 18". I am knitting in Debbie Bliss 100% Silk yarn and am really looking forward to starting the project. I have sent away for some Addi Turbo knitting needles, so can't wait until they come so that I can begin.

I have also decided to complete the lingerie set by knitting the "Belocq Stockings" from Stitch Diva in the same Debbie Bliss 100% Silk.

It will be the first time I work from a charted pattern, so wish me luck!!!

This post is all about pets and how cute they are.

This first pic is of Jamie, my parents little Yorkshire Terrier. Just look at his little teeth, aren't they adorable.

This is my little baby Dino playing hide and seek.

I have got some other pet pictures and will dig them out and post them soon.

I must have been mad, but today I went golfing (yes I know it was freezing and raining) with my father, little sis and hubby.

My score wasn't too bad considering I hadn't played for a while. It was so cold my little sis had to wear my golfing jacket and my father bought a new bobble hat, he looked just like noddy and I will definitely have to cut the bobble off otherwise I will disown him in it.

Below are some pics I took on the golf course today.

The pic below is of the RAF Valley Golf Course which I am a member of. It was taken back in February. I must be committed to the game as I played the 8 holes out of 9 and would have played the 9th but it was unplayable as it was waterlogged.

I wonder how many of you out there suffer from low self-esteem??? (Sorry if that is not how you spell it).

I suffer from it most of the time and I have absolutely nil confidence. Ever since I have been with hubby the one bone of contention between us is my hating my body and feeling "fat and ugly" and covering myself up under long nighties (usually two sizes too big, but have come to a compromise with hubby, the long nighties can stay as long as they are actually the size I am, ie a size 14. Up until a couple of months ago a couple of my nighties were sizes 20-22 which is what I was a few years ago, but threw them out and replaced them with prettier size 14 ones.

The reason I bring this topic up is that the past couple of days I have been feeling really "fat and ugly" and really depressed about it. So much so that last night hubby and I had a little falling out about it and I cried myself to sleep, only to wake up this morning feeling even more worthless.

To try and make myself feel a bit better I dyed my hair (the grey was getting really bad and even my father had begun pointing it out!!! ) The colour is block standard dark brown but for some reason it looks darker, perhaps after a couple of washes it will lighten up.

I had a lovely "Tesco's Finest" Easter Egg which will probably last me a couple of weeks to eat and for those of you that are saying "why did he buy her an easter egg when she is on a diet??" I assured him that it would be okay as I am not one to eat a lot of chocolate all at once and will last me an age, my usualy trick is to buy the treat size chocolates and freeze them, then eat them frozen so that it takes me twice as long as usual to finish them.

My sister is still not herself, so I will have to spend the odd night there with her to keep her company, all I have to do is work out when!

Since Friday I have had the most awful headache, I thought it was a migraine but my "Imigran" tablets were not working, so I have had to take my "Co-Codamol" tablets which are really strong, they work for around an hour and then the headache is back with a vengeance.

Oh well, it looks like this post is a pity party for one again, sorry, I promise to try and post something cheerful soon (well as soon as it happens anyway).

On a slightly lighter note I have nearly completed hubby's top, all I have to do is sew it up and then the dreaded sewing in the zip. I have never sewed a zip into a handknit item so all tips and advice greatly appreciated as I would hate to make a mess of it this far into completion.

I hope you are all having a great Easter Bank Holiday and don't eat too much chocolate, as for me hopefully it will be a bit warmer tomorrow so I can go and dig up my veggie patch ready to plant my new veggie plants.

Happy Easter

I'm sorry for not posting sooner but things have been really hectic here.

I am still feeling a bit down but life has really kept me busy.

On Friday morning I had a telephone call from my mother in tears telling me my sister had been admitted to hospital in the night and could I go straight down, which I did. I don't really feel comfortable going into what had happened, but my sister is ok and she was discharged teatime. Since this has happened everything has been up in the air and I have not been at home much.

Perhaps one day I will feel comfortable going into what had happened but at the moment it is not my place to give details out but she needs a lot of support to get over what has happened. This couldn't have really come at a worse time as I am struggling myself to get over life, but I have to put how I am feeling to once side and try and support and help her as much as I can.

Life can be really cruel and I often wonder whether there is a god as most of the time I feel he can be really evil and there is only a satan. If there is a god I wish he would show himself and help my family get over what has happened.

I only managed to lose 1/2 lb this week, but I suppose it is better than nothing. I have not heard anything from Liverpool with regards to the IVF and will really have to try and concentrate on eating properly otherwise I will never have the baby which I long for so much.

Hopefully the weather will be nice over the bank holiday weekend and I will get out to play some golf which should hopefully help with the weight loss.

That is about it for now, I am sorry this post is vague.

Have a good Easter weekend!!

Day 2 of my cycle and the period pains are just as bad as yesterday and I feel just as down and weepy.

Why can't I get pregnant, it is ridiculous, after ten years I have had numerous miscarriages, but none have gone as far as the second trimester. It's not fair.

Our diagnosis was low sperm count and irregular cycles, my cycles have more or less regularised themselves now, every 33 days (give or take a day) and I know I'm not pregnant again, and again the whole cycle begins all over. I cry at the thought of not being pregnant, then mixed emotions appear around day 10, perhaps this time it will work, this lasts until around day 27 when I start doubting that it has worked whilst at the same time trying to diagnose every little thing ie does the smell of coffee usually make me feel so sick, do I usually get these funny cravings for corned beef!! then lo and behold day 33 and the sight of blood knocks me back to square one with a huge bang.

I try and discuss it with hubby but he doesn't really pay any attention anymore, whether it is because I go through the same thing every month and he now knows the script off by heart or he really doesn't care, I don't know.

I guess what I really need is for someone to talk to me about it all. The lack of friends and family who care one iota means I only have hubby or the dogs to speak to, or perhaps you will all listen to me, that is if you don't get bored of the same grumblings every month!!!

As it stands I need some love, hugs and even to be spoilt and to feel special, as at the moment I feel like a pile dog poo which has been trampled over and over again. This morning I woke up at 8.30am with terrible period pains so took some painkillers in the hope that I could actually get up and do something constructive, I read a little of my new golf book "Harvey Penick's Little Red Golf Book" which was quite interesting and then fell asleep until the sound of the postman at 2:45pm woke me up with a start and I realised I had slept most of the day away. Now I need to take some more painkillers as the period pains are really bad again, but am putting off doing so so that I may actually stay awake to cook tea and perhaps tidy this bedroom up a bit.

Some good news is that I have 2 reviews for 2 PSP games which I treated myself to. The first is "Diner Dash", it is a great game and is exactly like the PC version except it is easier to navigate the waitress around, I give it 8/10. The general idea of the game is that you have to go round and seat/serve customers rather quickly. As the levels progress you go through different restaurants and it gets more difficult as the time gets less and you have to earn more money. The second game is "Spelling Challenge", I had never heard of this game but it is generally like the school "Spelling Bee" where you have to spell words etc. I found the game real fun but think I may get bored of it soon as it is very repetitive. As you go up the levels the words get more difficult and again you get less time. The one part of the game which had me running for the dictionary was when you had to decide whether the word was "a verb", "a noun", "an adjective" or "other". I had totally forgotten what verbs, nouns and adjectives were since I have not had to use them in that sense since I was at school 18 years ago. Despite swatting up in the dictionary what they are etc by this morning I have forgotten again, so if I get something out of this game it will be the understanding of verbs etc again. I give this game 6/10. They are both good for both young children and adults alike if you like that sort of game. I personally don't like the shoot 'em up games as I find them a bit too violent, but each to their own. I have pre-ordered "Gran Turismo" for the PSP for hubby and as soon as it arrives I will do a review on that comparing it to the PS2 version.

As for now I am going to go and get something to eat as I have not eaten since 8 o'clock last night. At least it will be doing my diet some good. The least calories consumed the more weight I will lose hopefully!!!

Monday morning I woke up with a terrible migraine and eventually had to try to go downstairs to the bathroom. As soon as I stood up I knew it was a bad idea as everywhere started spinning and I felt really ill and weak, but nature called very loudly so I had no choice but to make the trek downstairs to the bathroom (this is one of the drawbacks of living in a dorma bungalow).

I got down the stairs, then through the living room and through the kitchen ok, but as I went to put the light on in the bathroom things took a turn for the worst and I collapsed on the hall floor (wooden floor at that), in doing so I managed to knock the bookshelf which had been left in the hall ready to take to the charity shop and woke hubby up with a start (he was in the spare room as he had been on the late shift and I am a light sleeper). He came running wondering what was going on and found me on the floor trying to get up whilst clutching my head.

He helped me back upstairs (after a bathroom visit of course) and tucked me up in bed. I have never had such a bad migraine in all of my life and had forgotten how crap I feel. I have also not collapsed for quite a few years (at one point in my life it was a regular occurrence due to health problems). We discussed my going to the doctors but both decided to leave it as it was probably just a migraine, so I took a couple of my migraine tablets and duly fell asleep. I woke up early in the afternoon and still felt really ill and went straight back to sleep. Around 3 o'clock I decided I had to get up as hubby had had to go back to work and the dogs needed to be let out to do their business, so I managed to get back downstairs.

This morning I woke up feeling a little better but not much and after telephoning my doctor's and losing my temper with them came off of the phone without an appointment. The reason was that the only appointment I could get was with the new doctor which I really do not like and have had a few altercations with her and could not face going back see her with her condescending lectures. I was offered an emergency appointment in the morning but it would mean I would have to see her and would have to be there for 11 o'clock which in itself was not a problem but it would mean I would have to wait until they could fit me in which could mean a good couple of hours wait, so I decided to leave it for now in the hope that I will feel better in the morning.

To make matters worse this afternoon I began getting the usual monthly pains and was devastated as I had built my hopes up that I was pregnant. All last night I dreamt about having a little baby girl, also I was over a week late, and on top of all that I have lost 10% of my weight which usually means that it helps getting pregnant. I cried and cried and that made my migraine even worse.

Why does it never rain but pour down with hail stones on me. At the moment I am feeling really down and have lost all hope of ever feeling well and ever getting pregnant.

Why is life so cruel!!!

I am finding it difficult to find a reason to carry on and can't help but wonder whether anything is ever going to change for the better for me.

As I sit here writing this my head is pounding and I have really bad period pains (if you are a woman you will fully understand how painful they can be when you are a week late) and wish I had a big bar of chocolate to eat.

Looks like I will have to make do with another couple of painkillers (at least they don't contain any calories so will be better for my diet).

I will try to get round to posting again over the next couple of days once I have gotten over this hurdle again. You would think after ten years of trying for a baby I would have got used to the failure every month, but I haven't.

This is a quick post as I forgot to mention that I am now on "Ravelry" and also "Flickr".

You will find me as "Knitterscarlet" on both.

For those of you who are not sure what "Ravelry" or "Flickr" are "Ravelry" is for knitters and is brilliant. It is a real Knitting Online Community. You can list your knitting stash, including needles, books, patterns etc and also what projects are WIP (work in progress) or completed, or even if they are queued. "Flickr" is a site which will host your pics for everyone to see. I have just posted the pics which are needed for my Ravelry account as I tend to post the majority of them here for everyone to see.

For those of you who come and check my blog regularly did you know that you can subscribe which will send you an email every time I post (hubby finds it really useful as he can keep tabs on when I post LOL). It will also be a good way of my finding out how popular I am as at the moment I only have one subscriber and that is hubby.

I am definitely off to sleep now.

The past week has been spent sorting out books and folders ready to put them back on my new bookshelves. I am an avid reader and my books tend to come in four categories:

Stephen King
Infertility
Dieting
Crafting (knitting, beading, tatting, crocheting etc)

I have a lot of books, magazines and the like so I am still in the process of going through a pile of folders which are still scattered around my bedroom floor

Whilst going through some of the folders I came across some pictures of baby garments which I knitted over ten years ago and couldn't believe some of the intricate patterns I had knitted into the cardigans etc.

I also came across loads of books on beading, crocheting and even tatting. Now beading and crocheting is no problem to me but tatting did beat me. I could get the knots fine but they were not the correct knots and they were not in the correct places

Going through the books pricked my curiosity on how much I would remember if I picked up the beading needles again or even the crochet needles. I have a beaded necklace which I started a few years ago and never completed so maybe I will dig it out and complete it. I also purchased some crochet cotton a fair few years ago to crochet a circular tablecloth, perhaps I will dig that out and have a go!!!

You might be wondering why I am up so late, the reason is that yet again I have an upset stomach and am feeling really lousy. The flu which had me bedridden most of last week is still lurking and again is making me feel equally lousy. I am waiting for my "Nytol" to kick in along with the "Imodium" and the "Metoclopramide", yes I know I sound like a chemist but believe me these things are what makes my life that little bit more bearable.

I have been working on hubby's jumper the past few weeks as I want to finish it for his Birthday in April. I have completed the back and am now upto the neck opening on the front. It is made out of "Sirdar Denim Sport Aran" in "Shade 502" which is a denim type shade. The pattern is from January 2008 Knit Today Issue and is entitled "Denim Stripe", it is a 9x1 rib and looks quite good.

If I am feeling upto it tomorrow I will scan in the pics of the baby garments I have found and the pic of the jumper I am knitting.

Until then I am off to sleep

Mother's Day, who on this earth ever decided to dedicate a day to mother's!!!! They must have been mad or just had a cruel sense of humour.

I have two reasons for hating Mother's Day, the first is that no matter what I buy my mother it is never good enough. This year I gave her a hand knitted (with an intricate cable pattern on the front) hoodie with fancy buttons in a lovely denim blue. The said garment took me months to knit and even at one point drove me to despair as I ran out of yarn to complete the hood, but managed to track down some of the yarn which had been discontinued years ago. I liked the hoodie and if it had not been several sizes too big for me I would have happily worn it. I did not receive so much as a thank you off of her yesterday and after asking my father today whether she liked it he said "no because you knitted it!!!" In other words if I had spent all that money on a shop bought garment she would have liked it, but the fact that I spent months and months knitting it makes her dislike it AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The second reason is that I find it very distressing and upsetting as I have been trying for a baby for nearly 11 years, I have had many miscarriages which just makes it worse. This year I celebrated it full of flu and wishing I could just die in my sleep nice and peacefully. Hubby made an effort and bought me a bottle of Moet and Chandon Champagne, but I was too ill to open it and drink it.

I had to send the reply slip back to Liverpool Women's Hospital this weekend informing them that I would not be able to make the Information Evening as my husband could not get the time off of work. This caused quite a bit of upset between my hubby and I as the real reason we can't go is that I have not managed to get my weight down to the BMI of 29 like they want. I have gotten down from BMI of 36 to a BMI of 33 so have done quite well but obviously not well enough. If we did attend and they weighed me they would straight away take my name off of the NHS waiting list and we would not be able to go back on it, so I am hoping to buy myself some time. I am still feeling really lousy and at this moment don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I have been trying to follow the "3 day heart diet" but it is ridiculous. Whoever dreamt up Frankfurters was equally as mad as whoever dreamt up mother's day, they are disgusting. I suppose on a bun with some tomato sauce they would not be too bad, but just on their own with some cauliflower and carrots no chance. Equally is tuna with cauliflower and carrots, I had the tinned variety as the fresh was slightly out of my price range and again it is disgusting without the mayonnaise and/or jacket potato/bread. I have managed to lose approx 1.5 lbs a week on it and that is doing the 3 days over and over and over without a break.

If anyone has any weird and wonderful diet plan that works please do let me know as I am now more desperate than I was a few weeks ago. I have tried the usual Weight Watchers/Slimming World/Slimfast/Rosemary Conley etc etc etc. The only one which worked was Atkins but since having Pancreatitis I cannot digest the meat like I used to so it is now a no no.

Wish me luch as I am back on the "3 day heart diet" tomorrow!!!